I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
