I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
