So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
