why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
