this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
