I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
