youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize