i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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