i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
