Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
