My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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