I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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