NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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