I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What drink are we having for lunch?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
