I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
