**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
