my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
