yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
