I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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