i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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