I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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