He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
