my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
