Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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