Sponge bath it is.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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