Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
