having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
