After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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