ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
