No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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