i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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