Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
