don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
