Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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