Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
