so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
