in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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