Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
