so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
