just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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