I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
