The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
