I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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