you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
