U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
