I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
its liver damage thursday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
