this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
