In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
