dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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