We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
