well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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