i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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