Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
