Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
