there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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