It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
