My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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