a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
