So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
