Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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