Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize