sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
