Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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