it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize