What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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