I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
