i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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