If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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