maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He? As in you personified your dick?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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