dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am naked and annoyed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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