Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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