Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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