Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
