Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize